Just a Thought

Almost everyday there are things that irritate me. May it be the noisy ringing of the phone or the annoying empty words of the people in my work place. May it be the heavy traffic or the ever-complaining drivers of the tricycle for they don't have enough. The lists could go on forever. You may ask why these things irritate me, I could answer you just because. My life today seems so different. Maybe this kind of life irritates me.

During my elementary years I am so carefree and I don't care about tomorrow and what it might bring. I only care for today. Same with the high school years but this time you grow a bit. That was the time when you started to court your crushes, had girlfriends and experienced your first heartbreak. In college, you become more mature, responsible, since you are already preparing for your life after college. You can't afford to make even the slightest mistake for it might change everything that you were, still are, hoping for. Your relationships seems more serious right now, may it be with your family, friends or with your special someone. Those were the days.

Now, on the other hand, when you already finished college and get a degree and in my case a professional license you find the world seems larger now, so real and sometimes so empty. Gone are the days when you only care for what the day has to offer you. Gone are the days when you rely so much on people that surrounds you. This time you have to stand on your own two feet and don't expect for someone to give you something for free. You must work your ass so hard that sleeping seems to be, sometimes, not an option. This is today

You might ask me where this letter, or whatever you're calling this, leads to. Honestly, I don't know. I started with the things that irritate me, then my school days and then my viewpoint on the present. Maybe I am telling all these, just maybe, because I want to hear from someone telling me that what I'm going through right now is normal. That they are going to share their own stories and make me think and later realize that it's normal. That I am still lucky. That change is ok and soon I'll be able to handle it well, just like breathing. I hope so. Then maybe, I wanted to know why those simple things that I describe earlier irritate me. Maybe that's where I want this letter leads.

I tell you one of my experience here in the big city - Manila. It was on the month of May of 2003 that I started to apply seriously for a job. I found an ad in the paper that they are looking for ECE preferably licensed, willing to be trained, hardworking, etc. The ad was so eye catching and so well presented that I can't help but to apply (not to mention that I badly needed to have a job coz my supply depot seems to be depleted). There I sent my resume with an eclosed letter and papers that says I'm good - no, excellent. After a day or two, someone called from the company that posted that ad telling me to go for an interview and later seminar and later still consultation. As anyone who's been applying for quite a while, I also felt excited, in fact thrilled. Then the day of the interview came, I came to the agreed place. I was shocked at finding that they're going to interview a hundred or so wannabees. "My God, such a circus," I said to myself and trying to hide my dismay. I felt that I am so stupid not to investigate further. That's not the worse thing yet. As I said, there were too many people so instead of the interview, the seminar started first instead. Then the speaker came in front and introduced himself (herself? not really sure). He wore to much accessories and jewelries that he looked like a walking Oscar Statuette, only with sagging tummy. He told us stories of his past and how he came to be and he cried and shouted in front of us. It was a shocking scene for me, I never thought that person like him could exist. Exposing himself in front of an unknown crowd. I am feeling very uncomfortable right now so I begin to look at the people surrounding me and I saw someone cried (either touched by the story or felt stupid of going there), someone got mad, someone slept, etc. After the drama so to say, I hurriedly go out but someone called me and told me that I still have to be interviewed. I just said I am not in to selling shampoos and soaps (that's their product). Then I hurriedly went to the LRT station to get out from that area the soonest. That was a terrible experience for me. I thought that was the last time that I am going to undergo such a, no words could describe that experience I had, thing??? I was wrong but the following experiences were just a breeze as compared to what I just told you now. You see, in real life things like this happens and it irritates me.

Living a life that's somewhat different from the one you used to have may either break you (makes you crazy) or make you (crazy still haha). Now, I am trying to live my life one day at a time and yet still looking for my future. I try not to loose my grip. I make sure that my time does not only revolve around my job (selling still, but huge machines and softwares, not shampoos and soaps) coz there's more to life than that. From time to time I go out with my friends and call them so not to lost communications with them (they are very special you know, they keep you sane). I meet new people and do some new activities (to escape routine jobs). I hope that time will come that I no longer struggle to live (not that I have don't have money kind of struggling) and no longer get irritated on things that I have no power to control (they just make you uglier even older, trust me, hey not that I am ugly, I am sure not). Living can be so difficult at times but you have no other choice but to live so try to accept things that you cannot change and try to do your best on those you can. Life's crazy you know.